Moving Back Home
About the Author
Ben spends most of his time working with underprivileged kids in Tijuana, Mexico, encouraging them to continue their education. He's an unofficial member of Iglesia Bautista Monte Horeb, which runs the elementary school, Centro Pedagógico Didaque.
There are only a couple of blogs I follow on a daily basis. Recently I read that one of “my” bloggers is heading back to the States for good—calling it quits on the field.
My intention is not to come off as cynical, but his farewell post, the comments that followed, and the follow-up posts, all sounded kind of like every other goodbye blog-roll I’ve read. Feelings of guilt, reflection, a summation of what has been learned on the field, and vague plans for the future in the U.S. of A. I’m not trying to take a jab at the blogger; I mean, what’s he supposed to say? Of course there is going to be slight (or great) guilt, lots of reflection, many things learned, and ideas for the upcoming months or year. C’mon! I just read it with sadness—that’s all. I’ve enjoyed reading his blog. It’s been real, honest, exciting, and even the mundane grind. I can relate to it. And the soon to be ex-missionary blogger is a guy I’d like to meet.
I’ve thought of throwing in the towel many a time. Rose-colored glasses transform into a microscope. Dreams turn into roadblocks. Serving gets clouded with non-profit politics. Friends back home are moving up the financial ladder. And former missionaries now work for seminaries or publish books.
A Christian “non-missionary” friend of mine who has lived oversees for over a decade told me the following: “If you’re going to make it living outside of the U.S. for the rest of your life, you have to give up being an American altogether, and become a Kenyan, an Australian, a Spaniard, or whatever. If your Mexican wife and child were to die, you need to have the mindset that moving back home (a.k.a. the U.S.) is not an option—as you belong to the new country.”
I don’t fault any missionary for moving back home. I don’t. Who am I to think or suggest otherwise? Most likely it is the Lord moving them to where He can use them next. Surely their serving and evangelizing have been fortified even greater in order to tackle issues on the homeland.
My boss is a Mexican pastor; his boss (and ultimately mine) is American. This American is the founder and president of the organization with whom we work. Last time he came to Mexico, with his finger in my face, he warned me, “Don’t ever think you can be more effective than the pastor.” I agreed with him, believing his caution, and maybe admonishment, was genuine. I don’t want to be self-deprecating, but the American is right; the pastor is in his game here in Mexico. Just like I am more comfortable and efficient than he is when we’re in the States. But now I’ve stirred up a little hope, believing the only way I can possibly come close to my pastor’s effectiveness, is by becoming Mexican myself. If I give myself the easy way out of problems and frustrations by reverting back to, “Well, in the U.S., this is how we do it and it works great, so we should duplicate that here in Mexico.”—I will ultimately fail. Steve Saint, in his book, The Great Omission, repeats over and over that missionaries should live like [Mexicans, in my case] as much as possible.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Ben, thanks for a really thought provoking post. Being a missionary for life is not always easy, but I cannot think that I want to be anywhere else at present than within the mission field. I’m sorry when missionaries leave. Some become negative. Let’s hope the person you’re referring to is really doing what God intended him to do.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
That’s a fascinating post. I don’t know if it would ever really be possible to fully become a part of another culture other than the one a person grew up with. I think the missionary is doomed to be stuck between two worlds - maybe even if he or she moves back home. In your case maybe this means being not quite fully-mexican, but no longer just american either.
I think of it in small ways like when my family used to live in Minnesota. Eventually we felt comfortable, but there were always small reminders that we weren’t really from there (i.e. not having a cabin up north, not knowing where Blue Earth was, never having been ice-fishing, not having relatives that live in one of the Dakotas or Wisconsin, or any number of other things that it means to be Minnesotan). If we would have lived there for 10 or 20 more years those things might have diminished, but I think it never would be quite natural for us.
Or it’s like working with youth. I can get a cell phone and text them, get my own myspace page, keep up with the latest video games and music, but ultimately I can never be one of them. Being 34 just gets in the way of that.
I know those are pretty lame examples compared to living in a wholly different culture, but maybe they just serve to show how hard it is to feel at home in another culture.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
This is a very interesting post. I find myself constantly wanting to be in the mission field. I can’t fathom longing to come home. I can imagine though that you could get burnt out being in that type of situation for so long. I would hope that it wouldn’t damage a person in any way, but change is direction in life. Props to the man for sticking it out this long. Anway, interesting post. I can’t wait to live with you guys and see it first hand :)
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
todd, i love your example of working with youth. i suppose back in the day, being on the exact same level with dubois, caden, or gilmore, was just never going to happen.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Todd — thanks for the thought-provoking post. I’ve been talking with another MM (missionary mom) whose family is considering moving back stateside. They are having mixed emotions, but ultimately are praying for God’s perfect will in the situation. We all go through seasons. When we moved south of the border, we had forever in our hearts. So far, God hasn’t changed that conviction, but if He ever did I hope that we would view it as a changing season and not a defeat and retreat. As they say, “Attitude is everything!”
One verse popped into my head as I was reading the closing sentences of your post…let me get my Bible so I’m not mis-quoting…OK. Here it is Galatians 3:26-29 “For you are all the sons of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither bond nor free, neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus…” I agree with the heart of your post, but I think it’s important to remember that God doesn’t see “Mexican” or “American” or “Canadian”. He only sees “justified” and “not justified”. [I know that that wasn't what your post was about, but I felt strongly that it needed to be said. Dunno why! ;^) ]
Blessings, fellow Gringos! Run in such a way as to win the prize!!!
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Sorry! My brain burped. I know that when I read the post, I saw that BEN wrote it, but I must have read a comment-er’s name and…sigh…I’m bad with names even in the virtual world. Sorry guys! I should have proof-read a little better!!! ;^)
June 5th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
What really makes me sad about this missionary coming home is that he feels guilty. I have no idea why he is coming home or any of the details. I do know that all the “negative” things that have happened to me in my life, God has used them for good.
I like the example that I heard once that there is a line in our lives ====== (imagine it as two solid lines). The top line is the negative, the bad stuff that happens to us, whether we made it happen or someone else made it happen to us. God, in His Holy Spirit form, makes this second line just underneath it that takes all that negative and uses it for His good. That second line helps us to rid ourselves of the horrible feelings from the top line, so that there becomes just one line ________, the good.
I am testimony of this line theory. I can so relate to it.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I agree with Rebecca that we are called to Christ not to our culture or the culture we are called to live in. Sometimes my Ukrainian friends call me an Ukrainian and I know it’s a compliment. Sometimes I feel very comfortable, ie, like an Ukrainian living in Ukraine and sometimes I feel very American. Sometimes I feel like an American who is thinking and living globally.
I know when I first lived in Ukraine I wanted to assimilate as much as possible into the local culture and I did until I realized that if I completely assimilated I may not be able to do the ministry God has called me to do. Sometimes this is a fine line depending on the person and culture they live in and what ministry they are involved in.
Kyiv is becoming very very secular and it is normal now to see many Christians living out very secular values that I do not hold in my life. I have had to choose to be live out my life here as a Bible believing Christian and sometimes that actually grates with local Christians. But….that’s why they call it a mission field.
I would never question anyone’s decision to return home off the field. Being a missionary is rewarding and at times wonderful and at other times crushing. God is working in us as much as we are ministering to others and sometimes this can feel overwhelming. Those who have not lived long term far away from home cannot fully understand what it’s like to be tremendously homesick and have a burning desire to serve the Lord in a foreign culture.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Hi, am george from Nairobi Kenya, I have been serving the Lord in different countries here in Africa and it can be quite hard for someone to be in a different nation, one of the things I experienced is discouragement, its so eassy to give up ecspecially when in tough countries where its illegal to minister or taking long before seeing the fruit of our labour. It therefore calls for persistent and faith to continue serving. I cant judge anyone for leaving for the experiences are varied.